A little creativity exercise I just did loosely revolving around those Dos Equis commercials. You know, the ones with "The Most Interesting Man In The Wirld" Keep that in mind as the context and you might crack a smile or two. Here goes: His contributions to mankind, number into the millions If you count the out of Wedlock births. He tells everyone, even Obama, to keep the change When your girlfriend sees him in a commercial for the first time and asks, who's that? He looks familiar! Remember, that's just the alcoholic blackout talking. He never goes through a phase, Which you should remember If he starts banging your Mom. Albert Einstein once called him , "farty farty smarty pants" in a moment of jealous frustration. The next time you think you've invented something, remember, his only tattoo says, "Prior Art Verified." If you want it to rain, he does take requests Tuesday's after four. If there's a reason to be jealous of him, just throw it on the pile... When Jesus wanted a car phone, He sold him his. When he wants your opinion He makes you read his mind, When you want his help, it's best to start out with, "Dear Lord." Just when you think you've seen everything, he'll wait 40 seconds to make a move on the new girl He tried to cry once but just as he was about to let it all go his tears reenlisted for another forty years Some of these are really corny If you think your neighbors grass is greener, you should see his. In the 90's when Jesus had a beeper, He knew the number His BO smells like hot apple pie, Or fresh baked bread Depending on who you ask When he makes spaghetti the Angels sing It's that good. He's the source of the original 250 fruitcakes that circulate through the regift vine every year. His practical jokes are unmatched. He once took Superman's job, He's since moved on to bigger and better things. Or : He quit when he realized trying to squeeze a check out this gig was a dead end.6 On the really tough jobs: Batman defers to him. He cut a deal to license an action figure with his likeness. Production stopped when it was noticed there was too much. "likeness" going on between the prototypes and the all female test panel. The movie about his life was so interesting, the deleted scenes won several Oscars. He sometimes gets what he wants by pandering to the righteous and the wicked, at the same. People who don't know him have legally changed their names to his, so they can name their sons The Most Interesting Man In The World Jr. He addresses everyone in the Bildeberger group my their last name preceded by the word bitch. Chuck Norris is a robot he made, Just to fuck with people's minds Ditto for Elton John His musical prowess is unmatched. He gave voice lessons to Luciano Pavarotti, for as long as he could stand it. He used to go to church every Sunday, until he decided to save time and just memorize the whole damn book, and be done with it. Ever since women integrated into some of the more specialized areas of the working world he's kept a fresh supply of smelling salts at the ready. It's more convenient that having to fly say...a jumbo jet across the pacific instead of relaxing in first class. If there's a God in heaven They have a hell of a time together On poker night. If Satan were a gambling man, He'd owe this guy money. He once spoke to a very large gathering of men. He said, " let any among you who is naive and easily deceived, introduce me to your wives, but please, only three or four at a time, I need room to work these miracles." If the hour of darkness is upon you, He can usually whittle it down to 30 minutes, if you call ahead. Most people wait until the last minute to plan something out, He does it with a Ouija board, at least a day ahead of time. Because he desires only the freshest Of foods, he makes his own sushi Under water. He only shares his recipes with God. While at summer camp He molested his councilors He's still billing them For his services He tried male modeling for awhile But he found out strutting around half nude and banging every random chic is too demanding on someone else's schedule, even when you're getting paid. His sense of smell and taste are so refined, he never needs a menu to know what to order. When there's a crisis, Crisis coordinators Pray for him To pray He once tried to write a book about farming and it's derivative cultures But the suspense was killing him So, he wrote it backwards. It's very popular in the South. When he makes French Fries, Some French, Go missing. Very large corporations go to great lengths to retain his patronage. For instance: When he goes to Starbux , if the baristas fail to remember his usual, There's no need to ask him directly. They just peak under their band aids. He never needs a reservation , Any restaurant owner would Machine gun their best patrons, To provide him a table If he dances with a woman more than once, she is most likely pregnant with his child. He once danced with a woman for an hour straight Three days later She became the first "Octa Mom." Doctors credit her use of the pill for keeping it down to a manageable number. Most countries prohibit him from Conducting dance lessons in an effort to stem the rampant population growth his lessons have spawned. The most interesting man in the world: Abducts Aliens in their sleep. Hibernated with a Grizzly bear to get"back to nature." Has only called Domino's once It was that time he wax trapped on the moon They delivered, on time Soon afterward NASA named a new constellation after him ; The Big Tipper Can belch in any key Which he discovered while writing his first opera He once hypnotized a friend's engine It quit smoking He once gave up sleeping with random beautiful women cold turkey For nine minutes His record still stands He once made the mistake of ordering a house salad, He was so disgusted He slept in a tree for a week. If you want to know the real reason we stopped going to the moon Ask him. If you need a reason to see a Doctor sooner Borrow one of his He can change a flat tire With his mind He asked to be crucified For "the experience." He cuts his own steaks Without harming the cow With him There are no secrets He calls stray dogs by their names He plays guitar at the seashore While your boss is chewing you out He's fought many bears without a weapon, spawning the often misspelled phrase "bare handed." He enjoys Diplomatic Immunity , from the laws of physics When doves cry He knows the reason He can donate to the sperm bank From home Birds of a feather flock together It's why no one really knows him He once rode a horse into town Because he lost a bet with his Zebra Politicians ask him to kiss their babies He can land a shark with a fly rod From the barber's chair He was charged with intent to distribute when he visited a nunnery He resists the temptation to enjoy the finer things in life For him Only the best will do. If you thought you heard him repeat something, trust me, it's only Deja vu There are some things that should be told But in the interest of International security... He just can't If Bigfoot really did exist He'd have the rug to prove it. If flying saucers don't exist How come he has a license to fly One? The hair on the back of his neck has never stood up, it grows in that way He once saw a ghost But only for a little while His mother didn't approve His father thought she was too transparent As a child, he was banned from taking part in the "pin the tale on the donkey" portion of birthday parties because he can see through anything, Including you. As a child, he wanted to marry a witch He was fascinated by warts Entirely too much has been made of the sculptures he made as a child in the Egyptian desert. The government set up area 51 as a decoy so he could reverse engineer flying saucers, uninterrupted, in his garage. Even though he really is dead, Elvis still plays at his parties. He water boarded Dick Cheney, to find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop It was a tough job Even by his standards He's more fun than a barrel of monkeys So much so, that they stopped making the toy. Hitler's idea to bring about a supreme race started when he glimpsed a snapshot of him as a baby His Mom, is the good looking one. He charges gas stations to fill up there.